Inspirational Picture

Take Their Hand

Hello everyone,

On my last post I basically said that I was feeling down because of an incident with my mother where she said she didn’t care. Well here’s a cheery update. While we were driving she offered her hand in a very subtle. I could tell she was hoping even silently praying for me to take it and I did. It was one of the best decisions I’ve made. It led to a heartfelt apology with lots of crying and healing. It was a great moment where we connected and I got to understand her a bit better. So my message is if someone you care about reaches out take their hand, even if they’ve said something stupid. After all it might have just been the frustration because they care so much.
What is the point of holding a pointless grudge that will only hurt you more. Embrace the joys of life and don’t hold the darkness in. There are people who care.

Best of wishes,

Asher Constantine

Hurt by Another

Dear readers,

       This post unlike its predecessor this post is a bit more somber. This morning I decided that I really didn’t want breakfast because well I wasn’t hungry. Seemingly simple right? Well it led to something big and not in a good way.

         Alright here’s how it went. I decided to skip breakfast this morning and thought nothing of it because I have been eating breakfast regularly, a major improvement for me. I got in the car to go to school as usual when my mother came to drive ,since she was going to take it in to be checked out after she dropped me off, and she brought me a yogurt. The idea of eating wasn’t appealing to me so I put it to the side and politely refused. She started to argue then upon seeing that I wasn’t going to change my mind went silent a stern look painted on her face. After a while I gave up and said I’d eat the yogurt so she’d stop giving me the silent treatment guilt trip. The tipped her over the edge and she proceeded to tell me that she didn’t care anymore, that she was giving up and that if I wanted to hurt my body like that she was done trying to stop me. This made me go silent for the rest of the car ride. Now to her it might have just been about eating but to me it was my world. I have always used her as a tether to keeping from any serious self-destructive behavior and when she said she didn’t care it clicked with my mind that I didn’t have to either. The thoughts lasted for a while before I resolved to focus on me and doing what I needed to more on my own. She had made promises to help me try and improve my self-esteem by helping me lose weight but not much has happened since that promise and I’ve decided to inflict the pain I been calling for in a non-harmful productive way. I’m going to work out like a maniac, and hopefully the results to will help me improve my outlook.

        To everyone going through a slump and considering going back to old habits I implore you to find something else that is productive and will lead to a self-improving outcome.

Best of wishes,

Asher Constantine

Finding Zen

Hello everyone,

          I apologize for not posting since my welcome post but life has been as it tends to be, busy and ruff. Now I wanted to make this post to tell you about a very bad day I had and how I managed to get through it.

         Last week I was having one of those days where everything seems to go wrong and just keeps getting worse. By the time I got to my last class of the day, drawing.  I was ready to give and throw in the towel because I couldn't seem to do anything right but I didn’t because I couldn’t afford to miss a class. I decided to stay and just get through my class and I’m immensely glad I did. Once I began drawing I stopped thinking about everything else and my entire focus was on the task at hand. By the time my almost three hour class was over not only was I feeling better but the time had flow instead of dragged on for eternity and I felt refreshed because of it.

         Now I know drawing might not be your “thing” but if you haven’t tried I recommend picking up a pencil and just sketching something. Or if that doesn’t work for you find something else that will take all your attention and will give you a rewarding feeling when you finish. Maybe pick up a book, right a short story or even simply watch something you genuinely enjoy.

Best of wishes,

Asher Constantine 

Welcome

Welcome to my blog,

First let me explain what this blog is all about. It's all about healing. From what you may ask. The answer is anything that might be hurting you. Whether it be depression, anorexia, problems at home or anything else that might be hurting you right now this blog is here to help. I've set up a forum for members of the community to chat about/ and discuss their problems in a safe environment. There’s also a Ask me page where you can talk to me directly.

Now you may be wondering how I can help. Well to explain that and why I'm doing this I must start off by telling you a little more about me.

I've suffered, although I'm not sure that's the best way to put it, from depression for about 7 years now. Till not too long ago I kept silent about what I was feeling because I didn't want to hurt my loved ones. I didn't want them to think that it was their fault or for them to think they should have seen it and done something. So for many years I remained silent going through the motions to the point where I would plaster a believable fake smile every time someone looked at me. When I entered high school was when my real crash began. Although I never took up cutting because a knife was never sharp enough for me to do it successfully I did end up doing something self-destructive. Something I'm now very glad only went on for a short time. I began burning. For me it was not only easier but it also let me get out the stress, anxiety and self-hatred that plagued my heart. Now please don’t take this as me saying that you should try it. You shouldn’t. In the long run it did not actually do any good. Now after I stopped that I just tried to keep myself together on my own without so much physical self-destruction. But I still didn’t ask for help because, like I have said, I didn’t want to hurt anyone with “my problems”. This led me to having upped levels of anxiety, stress and self-hatred. And along with that came the panic attacks and small silent break downs at night by myself. Eventually I while I was talking to a friend the subject came up and I found out he was like me and suffered from depression. The relief of having someone with problems and outlooks like mine was an immense relief and it led to me talking about maybe taking me to an appointment with a doctor so I could try and get better. Now at this point I had decided I wasn’t going to tell my mother anything until I had talked to a doctor and confirmed it wasn’t just me being a self-wallowing idiot. But fate had a different plan for me. That night we got in a fight about my mood which would sometimes become well very unpleasant. These where moods I couldn’t control and didn’t mean for. Anyway the fight leads to crying and I came out about it all. She told it was going to be ok and that we would get the help I needed to feel better. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Now I may still get really down but I don’t feel like I have to hide it like before when I’m around her. I’m on the path to recovery and it may be long but it is worth it.

I apologize for the long story I just very much want you to know that what you’re going through isn’t something you have to go through alone. There are others out there that can relate to your story and that you’ll connect with. That’s why I’m doing this I want to make community of people working together to mend the tears in their souls. Though some scars and memories may never go away the memories of getting through it all will remind you of your own strength and the love and support that can be in the world. So please feel free to ask me or others about anything you need to. People might just surprise you.  

I’ll be updating regularly on my progress and with tricks to help you kick what’s hurting you. I’ll also post regular inspirational things to help when your feeling really low.

Share your pain and share your support.

Wishing you a wonderful day,

Asher Constantine