Dear readers,
This post
unlike its predecessor this post is a bit more somber. This morning I decided
that I really didn’t want breakfast because well I wasn’t hungry. Seemingly
simple right? Well it led to something big and not in a good way.
Alright here’s how
it went. I decided to skip breakfast this morning and thought nothing of it
because I have been eating breakfast regularly, a major improvement for me. I
got in the car to go to school as usual when my mother came to drive ,since she
was going to take it in to be checked out after she dropped me off, and she
brought me a yogurt. The idea of eating wasn’t appealing to me so I put it to
the side and politely refused. She started to argue then upon seeing that I wasn’t
going to change my mind went silent a stern look painted on her face. After a
while I gave up and said I’d eat the yogurt so she’d stop giving me the silent
treatment guilt trip. The tipped her over the edge and she proceeded to tell me
that she didn’t care anymore, that she was giving up and that if I wanted to
hurt my body like that she was done trying to stop me. This made me go silent
for the rest of the car ride. Now to her it might have just been about eating
but to me it was my world. I have always used her as a tether to keeping from
any serious self-destructive behavior and when she said she didn’t care it
clicked with my mind that I didn’t have to either. The thoughts lasted for a
while before I resolved to focus on me and doing what I needed to more on my
own. She had made promises to help me try and improve my self-esteem by helping
me lose weight but not much has happened since that promise and I’ve decided to
inflict the pain I been calling for in a non-harmful productive way. I’m going
to work out like a maniac, and hopefully the results to will help me improve my
outlook.
To everyone going through
a slump and considering going back to old habits I implore you to find
something else that is productive and will lead to a self-improving outcome.
Best of wishes,
Asher Constantine
No comments:
Post a Comment